Family Traditions
I’ve been thinking a lot about customs and traditions lately, particularly in relation to my family and the things that I want to make “a thing” in our home. I’m an Enneagram 7, and for anyone who knows what that means, you know that my personality is to want to do ALL the things. I’m also an introvert, so that gets a little tricky, but I digress.
Over the past year I have felt a pull to put a lot of my time and my energy into home. You might think that should be obvious, but for me it hasn’t always been. I was very academic and career driven for several years. I didn’t meet my husband and get married until I was almost 30. I know, I know…that’s not “old” or “late.” I’m forever grateful for how my life has played out. Marrying (a little) later did give me several years to learn to enjoy being with me and get really good at devoting time to work and developing myself professionally.
And now things feel different.
It’s the season of life I am in, I get that, but I don’t want to overlook it. I am fortunate to have two wonderful kids and can honestly say I may be living in my dream home (in the making) in the Colorado mountains. I have been thinking about what I want for my family. What celebrations, holidays, and events do we want to focus on, and how? How do I want my home to feel? What do I hope that my kids remember about their childhood and how will that translate when they’re older?
I know that these are big (ok, HUGE) questions to ask, but I also think they are important and can be immeasurably valuable. Because these are the things that will guide decisions. When we know what is important to us, we can gain a sense of direction.
And, thanks to a great lesson from Brene’ Brown (sorry, I can’t remember which book because I’ve read them ALL)here’s what my Enneagram-7-self is being reminded of almost every single day: If everything is important, nothing is important. If I make everything a priority, nothing is a priority.
I must narrow it down. We can’t do everything, nor do we likely want to. And the only way to do that, and do it well, is to get clear about what is important and valued for US. Not for another family. Not for the person that asks me to do the thing I want to say yes to but know I’m not the right person for. Not to what society says should be important. For us.
Here’s what I believe to be important and valued within my family:
God
Belonging and Connection
Honesty
Adventure and Fun
So how does this transfer to how I hope we make decisions about customs and traditions? And how does it impact the decisions we make about the physical aspects of our home? To be completely honest, I’m not 100% sure yet. I hope that it means that we are intentional about loving each other well, welcoming others into our lives and home, celebrating even the small things, appreciating the beautiful place we live, and having as much fun as we possibly can. In a practical way, I hope that will look like family meals together, opening our doors to friends, saying yes to travel anytime we are able, and being an active part of our church and community.
It can feel like a tall, even overwhelming order to create this kind of life. Then I have to remind myself that it can feel like pressure, or it can feel like fun. It won’t always be perfect, and we’ll probably get it wrong as much as we get it right. But we can have fun and share in a lot of love getting there.
I encourage all my clients to think about and decide what is important to them. What do they value? When we know our values, we have a compass. If you’re feeling like you are lacking direction or feeling stuck, looking at your values can be an excellent way to get clarity and rediscover purpose and meaning. Maybe you can do that alone, or maybe you could benefit from support. Developing individual and family values can help each of us create more of the life we want to live.
Happy fall everyone.
If you are a Colorado or Missouri resident and struggling with issues around maternal mental health, postpartum depression, parenthood, or relationships, I believe you may be in the right place. I provide individual and couples counseling and would love to connect. Services are available in Woodland Park, Colorado Springs, and online throughout Colorado and Missouri.
