Three Myths About Mental Health
I love a good blog. And a good social media account. With a baby at home that doesn’t love to sleep, I find myself cruising the internet at random times…day and night. The more time I spend browsing what’s out there the more I am convinced that the misinformation being shared about mental health, especially maternal mental health, is alarming.
I have been watching a few documentaries recently (did I mention I also love a good documentary?) about how social media has become the largest advertiser, and also one of the main platforms where people seek out information. Let that sink in for a few minutes. Our main source of what to buy, how to get our kids to sleep at night, what foods are best for our bodies, how to decorate a room…is social media.
I can appreciate social media for what it is. There are many professionals sharing accurate and valid information on these platforms. But let’s be honest. There are also many people simply sharing what sounds good- what gets likes and comments. Unfortunately, what sounds good is often not what is true or backed by research, and misinformation about mental health, wellness, and how to “feel better” can be dangerous.
Here are a few themes around mental wellness that we need to recognize as myths. Please note that these are general themes and not necessarily direct quotes.
Myth 1: Uncomfortable feelings or emotions are bad and should be avoided
This may be the single largest factor that brings people into therapy- feeling uncomfortable feelings (anxiety, depression, grief, sadness, etc) and wanting them to go away. While the social tides may be turning back in a positive direction, we are in a culture that says being uncomfortable is bad. It’s not. Discomfort, even suffering, is a part of being human. I am not trying to minimize peoples’ experiences. I recognize that some suffering warrants intervention, and all suffering warrants support. But context matters. If you are feeling sad because of a miscarriage or infertility, that is an emotion that is very appropriate for those contexts. If you are feeling sad and have no idea why, this is a different context. The why can be equally as important as the what.
More important than avoiding uncomfortable emotions and assuming they are “bad” is learning to recognize them (name them), investigate where they might be coming from, and be able to continue to act in a way that you feel good about. We don’t have to wait for the uncomfortable feelings to go away before we can start to live. We can show up to life in a positive way, even if there is anger, anxiety, or stress.
Myth 2: How you feel is more important than what you do
Piggy-backing off of the first one, this is another big one. How you feel will likely never be more important than what you do. Actions (or inactions) are always going to be what creates a life where we find meaning. Feelings are important only to the extent that we can notice them, label them, and then make a conscious choice in how to respond to that feeling. Sometimes the best choice is not to respond at all. Why? Because feelings never stay. Feelings are not facts. They come and go, rise and fall, like waves. If we react to every feeling we experience, then we often end up hurting others or ourselves through our words and actions. This happens often in parenting. Irritability or overwhelm can cause us to use words, tones, or actions that we don’t like with the people we love. Being able to have an uncomfortable feeling and still show up to our lives how we want to is a life skill we all need. It sounds simple but it is not easy. An easier approach is to become hostage to our feelings, living in the belief that all feelings need to be followed or acted on. This looks like yelling at your children, insulting your partner, or consuming excessive amounts of food or alcohol when stressed. Often, these actions are followed by regret and guilt.
Myth 3: Loving yourself is the most important predictor of a happy life
This one might ruffle some feathers, but hear me out. I am not here to argue if self-love is important. It is. And it is something that many people struggle with. Remember earlier when I stated that people on social media tend to post about things that get the most likes and responses? This falls here. When people set out on a sole mission to love themselves, believing that is how they will be happy, they can easily become so focused on themselves (what they want or need at any given time) that they lose focus on others. If you remember one thing from this article, please let it be this…there is not a single bit of evidence or research to support that loving ourselves is a key indicator of living a meaningful life. If you find it, please send it my way. Research consistently shows that the single-most influential factor of living a life of purpose is our relationships with others. If we focus all of our attention on loving ourselves we can quickly become individualistic, to a fault. We lose sight of others. The best way to create a meaningful life is to invest in our relationships.
If you are struggling with any of these areas and feel it impacting your life, please reach out and see how we can help. We offer online telehealth services in Colorado (we do not currently have availability for clients in Missouri) and specialize in issues around maternal mental health, postpartum mood, parenting, and relationship. Click below to request and appointment or get more information.
