Anxiety: Fear vs Danger And How Your Body REsponds
If you are living with anxiety, you know how uncomfortable it can be. At its best, anxiety is annoying. At its worst, it can be crippling. The symptoms can be different for everyone, but some of the most common are tightness in your chest or throat, increased heart rate, fidgetiness or tingling, digestive discomfort, difficulty sleeping, racing thoughts, trouble relaxing, and frequently worrying. What is going on in your mind (racing thoughts, worry, chronic planning ahead, fear) are not generally what bring people to seek help. It is usually the physical responses to anxiety that will nudge (or push) you to find treatment for your anxiety. But it is important to be aware that often times the physical responses are a result of what is happening in your mind. You are not sleeping because your mind is racing and you are worried. Your heart is racing because you have a fear that something bad is about to happen, even if you are not sure what it is. Our minds and bodies are connected. Most of the time they work well together, but sometimes your mind can get overly protective, causing your body to react in a way that may be unnecessary for the situation.
When you are experiencing anxiety, it is important to remember that your mind and body are doing what they think they need to do to protect you. I often tell clients that anxiety comes when fear is mistaken for danger. They are not the same thing.
You are probably familiar with the "fight, flight, freeze" response. It is basically how your body is hardwired to respond to danger. When there is a danger, your sympathetic nervous system kicks off and your body becomes prepared to fight the danger, run from the danger, or freeze up (freezing is good if your hiding...not so great if you are visible). Imagine you were being chased by a bear. Your don't consciously think, "Oh, there's a bear. I need to do something, so let me get my body ready to move." It happens automatically- our bodies are super cool like that. Your heart rate goes up because you need to pump more blood to your arms and legs. You need the extra blood there to fight or run. Your breathing speeds up because that is what makes your heart pump faster to send the blood to your limbs. Muscles tense up because they are prepared to work. Your digestive system kind of shuts down temporarily, because when you are in danger it doesn't matter if you are moving food through your system properly. Your body's only agenda is survival.
When there is a danger, like the bear, the body is responding exactly like you want and need it to. It is automatic and when the danger is gone the body will return to its normal state- breathing softens, heart rate slows down, muscles relax.
With anxiety, the body responds like there is danger, but there is no actual danger. Fear is mistaken for a threat to your life. Your sympathetic nervous system may kick off while you are laying in bed at night, before a presentation at work, or during an argument with your spouse or partner. In fact, often times it is not an actual dangerous situation, but a perceived danger that makes the body respond. Your mind, in its best attempt to protect you, is constantly looking for dangers- finances are tight, your child is starting school, you are going back to work after maternity leave. All of these things alone are not dangerous, but your mind can do a pretty good job of pointing out all of the "what ifs" and potential dangers. Here comes anxiety.
So what can you do? There are a few simple, but not always easy things that can ease anxious symptoms.
Notice that it is anxiety. Take a pause, assess your environment (like your actual environment, not where you may be tomorrow or next week), and see if there is an actual danger present or if your mind if telling you there is a danger and your body is responding accordingly. Obviously, if there is an actual danger then you need to respond. If there is not, then you can decide how to move forward.
Slow your breathing. I know that it can be annoying when people say things like "take a breath" or "slow down" when you are feeling anxious. One, sometimes it feels like you can't take a deep breath. Two, it doesn't feel that simple. Just "taking a deep breath" may not completely relax your nervous system, but it will help. Slowing down your breathing is the only manual (meaning, you control it) way you have to slow down your heart rate. It is helpful to learn to breath in a way that can promotes body relaxation. Instead of taking a deep breath in, I encourage people to just practice slowing your breath and taking a longer out-breath. A simple practice called 4-6 breathing can be helpful: breath in for a count of four and breath out for a count of six. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Find the fear. Anxiety is triggered by fear. Sometimes the fear is apparent, even if it is a perceived fear or worry that something might happen-- your child is starting a new daycare and there is a fear that they won't fit in or something bad will happen. Other times the fear is not quite so clear-- you are going back to work, and excited about it, but may find that the anxiety is triggered by a fear that you are making the wrong decision, that people will judge you, or that you won't be able to handle the responsibilities of parenting and work. Pinpointing the actual fear can allow you to work with it, accept it for what it is, and decide what you want to do with it. Recognizing that your mind is only trying to protect you, you can acknowledge a fear without fighting it. You do not have to change a fear to change your response to it. You can notice a fear and still do what you want or need to do.
Remember that you are not your thoughts. And your thoughts are not always accurate. In fact, oftentimes they are not. If you are a parent, you may be all too familiar with scary, unwanted thoughts. You know, the ones that seem to pop up out of nowhere and you don't even want to tell anyone about them because they feel so dark or dangerous. Like acknowledging them out loud makes them true. I have never met a person that, when being fully honest, can say that they have not had some pretty dark thoughts. Don't believe everything you think. And again, you are not your thoughts. You can notice your thoughts and decide how much attention a particular thought deserves. If it warrants thinking through, then take some time to do that. If it is a thought that is doing nothing but triggering fear and anxiety, then you can practice noticing the thought, setting it aside, and moving on with your life. You don't have to wait for the thought to go away or change. It can be there, and you can still do the things you want to do.
Move your body. When possible, allowing yourself to physically move can really help release some of the energy that your body is creating. Maybe it's a brief walk, light jog, yoga practice, weight lifting session, kitchen dance party, or hike in nature. Whatever you think will feel good to you at that time is what your body needs. The goal is not burning calories or finding another way to create stress in feeling like you have to get a workout in. The goal for your mind is to recognize that your body has a lot of energy, and to find an enjoyable way to release some of it.
Anxiety is common, but it is also very treatable. It also has the ability to really limit your life if not addressed. If you feel that your anxiousness is impacting your quality of life- you're not doing things you want to do, are unable to enjoy things like you want to, or your relationships are being impacted- then it may be time to consider reaching out to a counselor for help. For parents, finding a counselor that is familiar and comfortable with issues related to postpartum mental health, parent counseling, and relationships may be beneficial.
If you feel that your relationship tendencies or patterns, chronic stress, anxiety, or mood concerns are getting in the way of quality relationships with your partner, children, or friends, there are options for change. Counseling may be a good way to address barriers, develop skills, and fully engage with the people you love. Through individual and couples counseling, I provide a specialized and modern approach to treatment in Woodland Park, Manitou Springs, Colorado Springs, and online therapy throughout Colorado.
