Bringing Awareness Into Your Days
"Between a stimulus and a response there is a space. In that space is our power to chose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." -Viktor Frankl
Present-moment awareness allows us to create the space. It is the difference between responding and reacting. It allows us to chose what we want to do with what happens around us, what someone says, or even how we feel.
If we aren't aware of what our mind is focusing on, or how our feelings are driving our words and actions, then we have little control. Little choice. We run on autopilot and react to everything that comes our way. Awareness is the first step to being able to respond to life and our loved ones in a way that we are proud of.
Mindfulness is what Jon Kabat Zinn defined as "the awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally."
Mindfulness is trendy to talk about these days, and with good reason because there are many benefits to living life in the present moment. In our culture, society, and individual lives there are a hundred different things that are trying to get our attention at any moment. This could be thinking ahead about a work deadline, thinking back about last night's argument with your teen, worrying if your child is on track developmentally or socially, your phone, social media, TV or billboard advertisements, and on and on and on.
A lot of the pull for attention comes externally, but oftentimes our attention is pulled away from the present moment by our own thoughts. This can be driven by fear, perfectionism, societal pressure, or family expectations, but we each have more power here than we often give ourselves credit for. Sure, we can control the external input of attention-grabbers by monitoring and limiting our social media time or Netflix...and we absolutely should. But the internal attention-getters— the mind thinking about things unrelated to what is happening in that moment— is something that we can bring more awareness to as well. Personally, I don't believe that we can control our thoughts. But I do believe that we can control what thoughts we want to give our focus and our time.
Our minds are not accustomed to being in the moment. We are hard-wired to plan ahead. This is what makes the human species successful— we have the ability to plan ahead, think about potential dangers, and adjust accordingly. I often ask clients if they believe their dog thinks about what they're going to have for dinner later? The answer is no, because they don't have the brain structure to think ahead like humans do. They are in the moment, all the time. If you want to see mindfulness in action, watch your dog. This might be why they are considered man's best friend. But I digress...
Building mindfulness skills takes practice, and it doesn't happen overnight. Remember, your mind is use to planning ahead or replaying the past, all for the sake of protection and survival. Your protective mind just gets a little too protective sometimes. It is helpful to take some time each day to formally practice mindfulness. This can be done by taking five, ten, or maybe 15 minutes (more if you'd like, less if five is too much) and just sitting quietly and picking something to focus on. It is most often taught to focus on your breath going in and out. This can create a calming sense of focus for many. What I have learned is that for some people, particularly if you are dealing with anxiety, focusing on the breath can be really uncomfortable. If that is you, pick something else. It can be your belly, a picture on the wall, a tree outside, or the feeling in your right big toe. What you focus on doesn't matter as much as that you practice holding your attention on that thing. Explore it. Notice each detail. Cultivate some curiosity around what you are paying attention to.
The most common thing I hear when people feel that they are having a hard time practicing mindfulness is, "I can't pay attention and my mind wanders too much." That is true for all of us. Our minds wander. "Success" (I use that word lightly) in mindfulness is not the ability to be able to practice without your mind wandering. If that were the case we would all fail. The actual practice of mindfulness is the ability to notice when your mind has wandered to something else and gently, without judgment, bring it back to what you are intending to pay attention to. Each time you are able to recognize and return, you are creating space, training the mind, and growing your ability to respond instead of react.
The whole purpose of a formal mindfulness practice is to be able to bring more awareness into your day-to-day life. You can practice being more mindful throughout your day in lots of different ways. Here are a few ideas:
Pause and take three intentional breaths. Relax your muscles in your shoulders and neck. Notice what your body feels like.
Pay attention in your conversations with others. Look at the person you are talking to and give them your attention.
Slow down when you eat. Notice what your food actually looks, smells, and tastes like.
Bring mindfulness into folding the laundry. Notice the texture of the clothes. What they smell like. Look at the patterns and colors of the fabric. This concept can be applied to any task.
Take time to fully engage and talk or play with your kids. Give them your full attention. Even if it's for five or ten minutes a day.
I believe the most beneficial aspects of mindfulness are to practice consistently, formally and informally, and do so non-judgmentally. Approaching awareness from a place of curiosity and fun can allow you to experience each day in a new way. It's simple, but it's not easy. With consistent practice and a lot of personal grace, you can live more in the moment.
If you have difficulty practicing mindfulness or being in the present moment and have experienced trauma in your life or are dealing with chronic stress or a mental health concern, I recommend working with an experienced counselor and/or mindfulness teacher to help you navigate through what you are experiencing. Mindfulness is important for all of us, but it can be especially difficult if you have had experiences where being in the moment is dangerous or hurtful. If this feels familiar, know that you can heal and be able to live in the moment. It may take time, but with the right support it is very possible.
Colorado residents, at Exploration Counseling you can learn to bring more awareness to your life through individual and couples counseling. I provide therapy for anxiety, relationship issues, postpartum mood concerns, parenting, and personal identity and body image. Services are available in Woodland Park, Manitou Springs, Colorado Springs, and online throughout Colorado.
